The First Key to Homeschooling and Not Losing It
Ok, so that may be a broad statement but I think it may be true. One of the most common reasons I hear parents say they couldn't homeschool is that their kids would drive them crazy (I even heard this from public school teachers). I smile and say that I must be lucky.
Well, I realized what they are referring to is a societal problem. Silicon Valley Moms had an article, G'Head, Hurl those Insults, Doesn't Bother Me, that talked about learning to ignore what your kids say when they are venting. Then it hit me, parents are trained to accept their kids treating them like dirt. Well, most homeschooling parents I know don't! Now I have a few strong willed kids and we go head to head, don't get me wrong. But, they don't yell at me (without a severe punishment), don't hit and don't disregard my instructions with regularity. These things have been known to happen but they are dealt with and it definitely isn't the norm.
What is the secret? Raise you kids to be people that you would care to be around. Set expectations and consequences for when those expectations aren't met (and that will happen). Many parents demand that their kids respect their teachers and friends in ways they don't expect their kids to respect them or their siblings. The truth is that those kids may tow the line a bit but they may not really respect anyone and then they grow up to be parents who have to vent to each other and on their kids.
But, then I wonder in the words of Dr. Phil, "How's that working for you". Then I here disturbing thing like this (from the same article),
So it is just me or does that sound like Battered Wife Syndrome? The other thing is, haven't we settled the matter that venting on someone isn't a healthy way to deal with anger? So maybe you should teach your kids how to handle their anger instead of you learning how to handle their anger.
I guess this is just the basis of why I can homeschool my kids with out losing my mind (though some days 6 hours alone sounds great to me too).
Well, I realized what they are referring to is a societal problem. Silicon Valley Moms had an article, G'Head, Hurl those Insults, Doesn't Bother Me, that talked about learning to ignore what your kids say when they are venting. Then it hit me, parents are trained to accept their kids treating them like dirt. Well, most homeschooling parents I know don't! Now I have a few strong willed kids and we go head to head, don't get me wrong. But, they don't yell at me (without a severe punishment), don't hit and don't disregard my instructions with regularity. These things have been known to happen but they are dealt with and it definitely isn't the norm.
What is the secret? Raise you kids to be people that you would care to be around. Set expectations and consequences for when those expectations aren't met (and that will happen). Many parents demand that their kids respect their teachers and friends in ways they don't expect their kids to respect them or their siblings. The truth is that those kids may tow the line a bit but they may not really respect anyone and then they grow up to be parents who have to vent to each other and on their kids.
But, then I wonder in the words of Dr. Phil, "How's that working for you". Then I here disturbing thing like this (from the same article),
And in fact an added bonus is after we have an episode, which with Donovan often culminates in a punch to the gut (he punching me, don't get your panties in a wad), I get spontaneous hugs and kisses, proclamations of love and "I'm speaking to you mommy" and "I'm your friend mommy," a lot of love thrown my way.
So it is just me or does that sound like Battered Wife Syndrome? The other thing is, haven't we settled the matter that venting on someone isn't a healthy way to deal with anger? So maybe you should teach your kids how to handle their anger instead of you learning how to handle their anger.
I guess this is just the basis of why I can homeschool my kids with out losing my mind (though some days 6 hours alone sounds great to me too).
Labels: child rearing, Homeschoooling
8 Comments:
It sure does sound like Battered Wife syndrome! Why on earth would anyone allow themselves to be physically attacked? That law need to be laid down in toddlerhood--We Do Not Hurt Others, Period.
By
The Princess Mom, at 10:10 AM
I'm with Princess Mom. Wow.
I'll say I cut my autistic kids more slack in some areas, and my nonverbal toddler (no diagnosis yet) the most slack of all. That being said, it is NOT ok to go round NOT training your child.
Oh, golly, even dogs get better treatment, really, and are at least trained to sit on command. No one would even let an animal be that wild.
Yep, I even have to agree with the Dr. Phil "how's that workin' for ya" analysis LOL! Where do you get this stuff??
Hey, I popped by on the Carnival of Homeschooling. :]
By
Happy Elf Mom (Christine), at 11:52 AM
"Oh, golly, even dogs get better treatment, really, and are at least trained to sit on command. No one would even let an animal be that wild."
Funny you should put it that way. When we brought our first dog in for obedience school, the trainer pointed out that I had given each of the boys a job "Sit right there, quietly, and listen" but had neglected to give the dog a job, which was why we were having so much trouble with him. Turns out I'm better at boy-training than I am at dog-training. ;-)
By
The Princess Mom, at 12:29 PM
For daily problems in public schools, check out http://detentionslip.org. Voted #1 for crazy education news.
By
Hall Monitor, at 6:10 PM
I'm having to deal with yelling & hitting from my DS these days- but he's 2. And he immediately gets a "time out" and a reminder that "yelling hurts my ears" and/or "hitting hurts". Why any parent would put up with that kind of disrespectful behavior from a child older than a toddler is beyond me...
By
Crimson Wife, at 8:12 PM
Raise you kids to be people that you would care to be around.
Great point! The other thing I sometimes struggle with is being a person my kids want to be with every day. If I'm grumpy, someone needs to send me to my room. ;)
By
Anonymous, at 5:59 PM
I'm very much in favor of time-outs for adults. Before I even had kids, I was told in an organization workshop that it's perfectly legitimate (and a really good idea) to take 20 minutes in your room to transition between work and home. My husband has started to take some time for himself to decompress right after he gets home from work.
I think if we find ourselves as homeschool mom needing a timeout, I think we should take one. We tell the kids that time-out is for them to recollect themselves and get their temper back, it's only good parenting to model that when we ourselves are losing it.
By
The Princess Mom, at 6:52 PM
It was amazing...worth the long lines and seeing it at the IMAX. Come stop by anytime!
By
MamaLieder, at 8:29 AM
Post a Comment
<< Home